Our Calling

The Bridge - Homeless Shelter in Dallas

Over the last couple of weeks the Lord has created a stirring in Reed and I's heart to serve...to get our hands dirty and to minister to people who are broken.

We are truly blessed because our church provides many different types of outreach opportunities. Finally, we settled on serving at a Homeless shelter in downtown Dallas. We go on Friday nights from 6:30 until usually 10.

It has been a mind-blowing experience and truly a blessing.

I've been very hesitant to share this because serving people is new for me. I mean, I went to soup kitchens etc., but this ministry is truly focused around KNOWING people and helping them with biblical truths to deal with whatever is going on in their lives. We spend 1-2 hours just visiting with people, hearing how things are going and then about another hour and a half helping with the life skills class that is taught by the minister at Our Calling, the organization we serve with. PLEASE go check out this website...they really have an amazing ministering going on here. The main reason I said I was hesitant is because of this verse:

1"Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven.
2"So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be honored by men Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full.
3"But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,
4so that your giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.
Matthew 6:1-2

I know that this is heart thing Jesus is talking about and I'm sure this isn't saying, "hey, don't ever talk about how God is moving in the hearts of the homeless", but rather, "hey, don't talk about this if you're just trying to make yourself look good."

SO I held off from sharing. But honestly, I can't help but share the wonderful stories we have been a part of over the past two weeks (we have gone the past two Fridays).

I don't know if I will get to all the stories, but overall, one thing I have been seeing is how judgemental we are towards the homeless. Reed asked our community group from church to pray for our friends at the bridge that had asked for prayer. Not 5 minutes after we told them what we'd experienced, someone cracked a joke about someone who loses a job can just go to the Bridge.

It saddened us. The bridge isn't a place you want to go...it's not a good second option. Their lives are controlled by their addictions, their fear of sleeping because the person on the next mat might steal your stuff, fear of getting kicked out because of all the rules set up by the bridge (a city run organization)...it's just sad because those of us on the north side of Dallas (and most other parts for that matter) have NO clue how to have grace with people. We scoff and think, "oh they CHOSE that life, they could get a job".

Well, I've discovered things aren't that easy. Some people are crippled by addictions, by health issues and by depression. Sure, they make choices everyday, but we spend time with people who are at the bottom of the gutter in life and they can't seem to find a way out. It is heart wrenching to talk about the abuses that they have gone through in their lives and how they just want to get over that.

There were stories shared recently about what the scariest thing you've ever seen was. Some people said a scary movie or a car accident. Then one lady shared one of the most intense/scariest thing I've heard: when she was little she watched her parents beat to death her 2 year old sister for crying too much. Then they started beating her with a shovel until she buried her in the backyard....

This isn't a movie. This is a real person.

The one thing I've learned is that we all have our demons, we all have quirks and sins in our lives...we truly are no different than these people that we see lying in the dirt. They just get their dirtiness exposed to the world. It's made me rethink the way I look at these people that GOD created.

I'm just as dirty and just as in need of my Savior every day.

There is hope at the bridge. It's not just this place of sad, sad stories. It is also a place of immense faith. I'm humbled by the walks of the men and woman that are there. Not everyone is a believer, but there are some truly extrodinary men and woman of God. All I can say is that it is humbling me so much.

Okay, I'm going to take a break and leave this story here for now...Next time I write about the bridge, I really want to tell you about my friends Big J and Old L (sorry for the names, but I want to respect their privacy and keep them somewhat anonymous).

God is Blowing My Mind

I'm starting to realize the depth of my need for the Lord and how I could never in a million years ever appreciate and understand every part of God. But lately, He has been blowing my mind with who He is.

It all started with a sermon at church that God made through our pastor. He went over the Mark 14:32-36:

32 They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, "Sit here while I pray." 33 He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. 34 "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death," he said to them. "Stay here and keep watch."

35 Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. 36"Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will."

I've read this passage a lot and I would assume that most Christians have...but I never REALLY understood or connected the dots with what it talks about. This is the gospel right here...the story of Jesus coming to this earth to take on our sins so that we might KNOW Him. These verses share what Jesus was experiencing in Gethsemane. Like I said, I never thought too much about these verses, in my mind, it was just Jesus dealing with His impending torture and death...But when we looked at these verses our pastor point out that they speak of Jesus being "deeply distressed and troubled" and that his "soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death". Does that seem odd to anyone?

The pastor asked us the same question and at first, I thought, "I don't think it's that weird".

Then he talked about Jesus' disposition prior to this point of time. Jesus was the one who always had the right answer, who had peace, who took time to be quiet in chaos, the one who slept in a boat during a storm, the one who boldly turned up tables in righteous anger, the one who spoke plainly of His own death and rebuked those who would not accept it (remeber the harsh "Get behind me Satan" rebuke to Peter)...So why, when the moment He had been foretelling of (His own death) came, did He have the following reactions:

deeply distressed

troubled

overwhelmed to the point of death

At this point our pastor seemingly digressed and talked about people he knew and how well they handled death. I'm sure we've all seen it, a godly believer who left this earth well, in the peace and assurance of their future destination. For example, someone dying of cancer who has a better perspective and approach to life and death than anyone could imagine. So is Jesus not handling death as well as these believers?

The answer is definitely not! Jesus wasn't lacking in some faith and peace in His future. I mean this is the LORD we're talking about, part God!

So why is He so extremely troubled and sorrowful? How could the Lord, the miracle-worker, the one who made it known that He was coming to die, how could He be so visibly and admittedly out of control upset?

That's when the pastor shared that it's because Jesus was not about to experience death only, like the strong believers we earlier spoke of...there must be something additionally, something more than only death...He was getting a foretaste of God's wrath.

God's wrath....

Can you imagine? The creator of the universe's righteous wrath...

And the reaction from Jesus who was experiencing just a taste of this wrath (remember God's wrath had not fully been fulfilled yet on the Cross) is to be deeply distressed, troubled, and overwhelmed to the point of DEATH.

So we can infer from Jesus' reaction and from what we know about who God is, that His wrath is unbearable...even for Jesus. To the point that Jesus said: 36"Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." Jesus asked for the cup to be taken from Him, but in the end, He submitted His request to God's will.

Jesus took our place...we were the guilty ones who deserved God's wrath because of our sin...Yet He submitted to God's will, which was to save us.

God's will was for His son to endure His wrath so that we may have life. God chose to save us because HE LOVED US. Not because we are good, not because we are worth it, not because He needed us to love him...just because He is merciful and compassionate.

I'm way too self-focused. I look at myself like a misbehaving child in God's eyes who still has redeeming qualities...but really I was marred with sin. I was counter to God's character and therefore eternally separated from Him...but by HIS grace, not my cuteness, or likability...only because of the mercy and grace of God, He saved me. It is all for His glory.

I have to be honest...I'm a believer, I have heard and been impacted by the gospel, but it NEVER hit me this hard and deep. I feel transformed by this gospel message, I feel like I didn't really understand the depth of what God did for us until I heard this message.

And it's changing everything. Everything is changing. I can't look at life the same way and I'm having to deal with a lot of things in life that are hard to deal with...

But it's also good to see God's glory working in this world...to submit to this GOOD and LOVING God, who chose me for no good reason, other than that He loves me.

Blows my mind. In a good way :)

A Movie Weekend

So I didn't spend all of this weekend watching movies, but somehow I ended up watching 4 new movies that I had never seen before. Two of which may be my top 10 list of favorites. Here is how the weekend played out:

Friday night, Reed went to go have a guy night with his buddies and I stayed at home and just chilled. I know you might think I'm lame, but I kind of wanted to be alone and by myself. I logged into netflix and started surveying what they had...I actually began "The Ugly Truth" with Gerard Butler and Catherine Heigl (I'm not sure if that's how you spell her name), but it was a little too crude for me. Then the search began again and I found the movie Parenthood. I would normally have passed over this movie, BUT I've been seeing the previews for the new TV series that is based on this movie. I had read something on CNN about the TV series and the movie and the fact that the producer is Ron Howard who did the original movie, etc. I started watching it and LOVED it. Not because I thought it was the best picture of parenting, or had the best morals (definitely not), BUT it really captured the truth that, no matter how much you try to be a perfect parent, you're kids are people too, and they will have problems like every person does. Now this seems like you shouldn't parent at all, but I think it also shows the need for good parents. Kids need good parents, but in the end, they are going to make their own decisions and have their own personalities. Anyways, I really really really liked it. Like it may be in one of my top 3 movies...no lie! I think next weekend I want to watch it with Reed again...we have to wait until then because he has 2 papers and 2 tests this week (poor guy! please pray that God's grace and favor would be on him this week).

After Parenthood was over, I decided to watch another movie because Reed wasn't going to be home for another hour or two. So I found Mickey Blue Eyes and thought, "Hmmm, I like Hugh Grant, I'll go for it". Not the worst movie I've ever seen, but definitely not the best either. I'd say it will most likely be a movie forgotten for it's mediocrity. Just my opinion.

On Saturday, Reed and I slept in really late and had a lunch date at Chipotle!! (My friend from work, Jennifer, will probably laugh at me for going there because it is the exact Chipotle we've been going to eat lunch at from work haha, but I tried the salad the other day and I just had to try it again! Plus I can load it with hot sauce and I just LOVE spicy food!) Aaaaanyways, after our date we drove around, fixed my phone and then decided we wanted to go see Alice in Wonderland during the "twilight" time (4-6 pm) because the tickets are $4.75!! So we went to the theater to buy our tickets.

After that we came home and cleaned our room...like the whole thing...organized every little trinket that we have been avoiding putting away from the time we moved in (I know what you're thinking, that was months ago, but hey it's been a busy last couple of months around here!). We decided that we are going to conquer one room a weekend and thoroughly clean and pick up everything. After everything is clean, we'll do it again to make sure that it stays clean. Also, we're hoping to keep it picked up so that when we get to the second round on a room, it's really only doing the "cleaning" bit, like dusting, vacuuming, etc.

After we conquered our bedroom, we went and saw Alice in Wonderland...it was really amazing. The effects were just astounding! It was the best movie ever, but I really did like it a lot and probably will buy it when it comes out on dvd. I definitely think it was worth going out to see.

When we got home we decided we should watch our netflix movie that we have had sitting on our coffee table for weeks....so we made dinner and watched Cinderella Man.

A-MAZING!! Seriously, I looooved this movie! It just was a story about a really sweet family that loved each other dearly who were trying to make it in the great depression. It shows how the father, who is a boxer, was really doing well until the depression hit and things were getting to the point where they couldn't keep their kids warm anymore. It really is just a great story...like I think it also will join my top 5...

Now I'll just have to figure out which movies these two will replace...

Can the Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter series count as one movie?

And here is a question to all of you...I had no idea that Parenthood would be such a gem of a movie...SO are there any favorite movies that you have that may be "off the beaten track". I really do enjoy watching a good movie on the weekends and would love to hear your favorites :)

Changes

Well February was a little bit busier than I thought it would be for a combination of reasons:

-a project at work got pushed back (in fact it is still not over, but it's like REALLY close to being done)
-I got picked up on a new project
-the Olympics

It's definitely good to be busy and have work, but it makes it hard to catch everyone up on life. And then the olympics...oh the olympics...I think I've watched WAY too much of it. We'll turn it on in the evenings to see what is on and then the BEST part of the night is during 10:00 pm to 11:00 pm.

It's been a really tiring last couple of weeks haha.

But, in the end, it was fun to watch all the exciting olympic sports. Although, I have to say the olympics have been a little sad...just that the luger died, that there have been lots of scary injuries and that the figure skater's mom died. It's just been a little traumatic and I've maybe teared up more than I thought I would. Oh and literally two seconds after that sentence was typed, the US hockey coach just got asked about how he is handling his son dying days before the opening ceremonies... :( :(

So in other news:

I'm going on a diet.

Like a for real diet.

I have a really good friend at work that decided to do Jenny Craig and she is really motivating me to get healthy. Every time we talk about it, she's got a lot of good advice she's learned and seeing her be successful, makes me want to work hard.

The reason I'm doing this is because I've gained weight steadily since beginning work and I want to be healthy. I'm not uncomfortable in my skin, especially with such a sweet husband who never makes me feel uncomfortable. But I am concerned about my heart and my body.

I talked to my doctor about exercising but because I have chronic mono (and a stressful job), she told me that I'm going to have to take it very slow. Like 15 minutes of exercise, 3 times a week, never consecutive days. I've started exercising, but I know that it will also take some focus on my dieting habits to be healthy too.

I'm kind of glad I can't exercise as much, because often times I use that as an excuse to eat things that are not good for my body, not fortified with vitamins or good for my heart, because I figure I'll just "work off" the fat.

That's not a good mindset...I really want to learn portion control and quality control with my food.

I would like to eat more natural foods with natural health benefits so that I won't have to worry about my heart down the road. I realize that all of the habits I'm creating now may not affect me currently, but WILL affect me then.

Having this extra weight has made me realize that I am really not healthy at all right now. I mean sometimes, I get winded going up two flights of stairs at church...that's just not good for someone my age.

I know that I have a pretty sedintary job, so it means that I have to be extra concerned about exercising and eating well.

SOOO all that to say...I'm starting my diet this week (tomorrow to be exact) and would really appreciate love and support and encouragement as this is going to be hard. I'm used to eating ice cream ever night and eating whenever and whatever I want. I need to learn discipline....aaaah.

But I am excited and I'm glad that I have a good friend at work and really great husband who has said if I want help, he'll do everything he can.

It's been a while!

I'm still alive, just trying to catch up from being sick.

Oh and I've been watching the Olympics...like I realized as Danielle was quizzing me on what she watched that I had watched probably every sport on tv during the weekend.

This week is a busy week at work too. We're trying to get all sorts of stuff wrapped up and especially important that I get it done before next week as I'll be starting on a different client.

And I have extra motivation to get it done during the week because this weekend I am going home for my sister-in-law's baby shower!

SHE'S HAVING TWIN GIRLS!

YA! I'm really excited about the shower but especially about the girls. I love babies and I love that my siblings keep having babies :)

Alright, off to finish my work day and then I finally get to rejoin my woman's bible study because I'm not contagious anymore! yayayaya!

Nope, not a cold...

The seasonal flu.

And bronchitis.

And an ear infection.

Right now...I just have to let go of trying so hard to finish work and to "push through". I've got to trust that God's going to take care of me. Not just with the illness, but with the work that I feel guilty/anxious about missing.

In other news, Reed is playing a game on his computer right next to me called "Ant Buster" where you try and defend your "picnic" food from the ants by shooting them with tanks. Hehe :) It cheered me up a little.

I think I have a cold?

I'm not sure what I have...

But I do know that I had a fever all day Sunday with those lovely fever body aches that were decently bad...enough so to make me stay in bed because of the pain.

Went to work yesterday with the cough that makes people cringe (you know, the one where you think they are going to hack up a lung or something)

Went to work today and continued to gross people out with not only my cough but with my sneezes that sounded like really intense, violent sneeze/cough hybrid things.

I finally went home early today so I could sit with tissues out of my nostrils because they kept dripping at work (which makes it hard to type/work)...and I just didn't know how good it would be for the client to walk in seeing me like that. One of the ladies from the client I was at today already sat an extra foot and a half away from me cause I sounded like death and coughed after every minute of speaking.

I think my eyes might look pathetic too. They feel a little pathetic.

What's great though is even though I'm not sure why my body is having a freak out at the moment, I've been able to go to work (the fever that kept me in bed all Sunday by the grace of God was gone Monday morning, so I was able to go to work) and get stuff accomplished.

This sounds like I'm a work-aholic, but really we just have a deadline and whether I take a sick day or not, it all still has to get done. So I'd prefer to divide my 50-55 estimated hours of work to finish over a 5 or 6 day period, not a 4. God's been really good to me, giving me the ability to work and providing me with a job that allows me to go home and work from there if I really need to.

PLUS, I have an amazing husband who makes me tea and takes care of me and doesn't mind that I have a tissue hanging out of my nose so that I can type for work instead of wiping snot.

:)

I am truly blessed :)