Every Monday Reed has to go to school from 7:30 (his class starts at 9, but he leaves earlier to get there on time) until 9:30! Allllllll day long! I'm sure once I start work this will be much easier since we will both be occupied...
BUUUUUT I miss my other half. We goof around all day, run errands, play the wii, read and just hang out. I know that sounds bad and like we're the biggest bums ever, which may be true, but its not that we're just lazy bums, we just do our day together. Now that he's back in school, things are starting to change a little into what will be our new "normal".
Currently our "normal" is us together, going to the grocery store, cleaning the apartment, playing games together or even watching a movie together. Reed going back to school is a preview to the impending "normal".
The "normal" that will have us both out the whole day, working at what the Lord has put us to. I'm not saying I'm not excited, in fact, I'm WAY excited about starting work. But it will be different. One thing I do know is that we are SO blessed, this summer has been beyond what we deserve. We have had the whole summer to spend together...our extended honeymoon. We've gotten to know each other so much better, we've gotten to work out issues together, I've figured out what Reed likes to eat (at least a little better than I knew before), I've seen how he likes his clothes folded and he's seen how I am in the morning (I just can't figure out how to be chipper early in the morn!)...it's really been just amazing to learn about each other and get used to living with each other. We've had uninterrupted bonding time.
It's allowed us to struggle through things spiritually together, to be disciplined in encouraging and praying for each other and to get settled as Mr. and Mrs. Reed Milliken.
I know not everyone gets this opportunity and realizing that, I have to thank God for the blessing that this summer has been. It is a time that we will always cherish. As it's drawing to an end I want to enjoy every last second of it because once I start work on the 13th, there is no turning back. I want to be fully committed and "into" the present. I don't want to look back and wish we were still here. We were blessed enough to have this time, who am I to wish it were longer. Plus, it's just not healthy to long over days gone by. God has me HERE, which means this is the best place to be. When we're working, that is going to mean that THAT is the best place to be.
But for now, I'm going to soak it all up and fondly remember the first three months of our marriage.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
The Swan Princess
Did anyone ever watch this movie but me? I don't know that I really LOVE it all that much...it just reminds me of being a kid. Just like Ruidoso, New Mexico will always make me think of hiking with my family when I was little.
Anyways, I'm not having a very good afternoon...I feel worn out and my head and body just feel weird, so instead of being able to help friends move, I've withdrawn to laying in my bed drinking water, trying to feel better and watching comfort things (all precautions to help me not get too worn out and sick). First it was the Office, but that just didn't quite suffice. So now I'm watching/sleeping to the Swan Princess.
Gotta love Net Flix and their instant movies.
Anyways, I'm not having a very good afternoon...I feel worn out and my head and body just feel weird, so instead of being able to help friends move, I've withdrawn to laying in my bed drinking water, trying to feel better and watching comfort things (all precautions to help me not get too worn out and sick). First it was the Office, but that just didn't quite suffice. So now I'm watching/sleeping to the Swan Princess.
Gotta love Net Flix and their instant movies.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
I have a confession...
I have read the first two Twilight books and I have found them really.....interesting.
First, I want to admit that I NEVER wanted or had any desire to read these books. I'm not much into the romance novels and let's face it, the story centers around their "love". But, as I was at UNT this past Friday with little chunks of time here and there to do nothing, I decided to pick it up in the book store and see what it is all about.
I must admit, it is much more entertaining than I thought.
However, I feel somewhat confirmed in my apparent 6th sense of dislike about this book.
Mostly it has to do with the love story. I think that my problem with the book is subtle, but in my mind HUGE. As I've been reading the books, I've been praying that God would help me to find purpose in this book and help me to not just fill my head with nonsense. With that I felt lead to read the book, enjoy it, AND compare it to what God describes love as.
As I've been reading the books (I've only read the first two, I'm going to get the other two this afternoon), I've realized a couple things about the way the world sees love.
From the beginning, the description of the two main characters "love" for one another is scary and yet hugely familiar. It's familiar because before I was a believer, I thought the same way and had the same feelings. Most of the descriptions involve phrases like, "He was just so alluring", "I couldn't resist you", "I knew that no matter what, I wouldn't be able to go on without him existing". Honestly, there are many many more examples, but the main point is that both Bella and Edward, without really knowing each other that well, just get a feeling/instinct about the other. They can't resist. They can't handle any time apart. The book is written from Bella's point of view and often you hear her describing her thoughts and how she can't help but let them dwell constantly on Edward. At one point at the end of the second book she thinks in her head that this moment of holding Edward is better than any heaven could be.
Granted, the book is not written by a believer and is not about believers, but still, how lost and tragic our world is. I've experienced this feeling, of desperation and obsession over another human being. It's when your life is meaningless unless that person is in it. Oh how sad that we could ever hope for another person (or vampire, in this instance) to be that dependable enough to put our hope in forever.
In the end, they are obsessed with each other, unwilling to live without the other. The thing that is subtle, but I think is huge (and may be the reason that I won't let any of my daughters read this until they are believers and somewhat mature in their sense of love) is the idolization of this love. As if it is the purest kind of love. And it TUGS at your heart. I feel the temptation to believe that even now as I read...but I also know truth, that we can only know real love through a relationship with the Lord. I believe God is my first love and that nothing is better than Him. That doesn't detract from my love of Reed, not in the least, it just means that I am choosing to love Reed, but never put my love of him above my hope and faith in the Lord. I know that seems nit picky, but I truly want to teach my daughters what love really is and not let the world deceive them into thinking this is real or true love. It's not, its an obsession and although that sounds good on paper, your life should NEVER hang on a person...we're not the beings that give fulfillment or purpose. If you want obsession to have a good outcome, you can only be obsessed about one thing, the Lord God.
I guess all in all, we need to guard our hearts from the obsession that the world presents as love. Although Bella and Edward have fleeting moments of real love intermingled in their story (marked by sacrifice and selflessness), their love still hinges on the fact that they are completely infatuated and obsessed with each other above ALL else.
Okay, I know that sounded really negative...I just want to be careful with this love story, because love is such a huge part of our being and I feel like I should be careful about where my definition of love comes from. A wrong choice can be painful and terribly misleading.
With all that criticism, I can say that the book is enjoyable if you are mature in your beliefs and aren't tempted to buy into wanting the obsessive love. Honestly, I've really enjoyed them so far. Minus Bella, sometimes she just sounds like a high schooler (haha, well I guess she is one). It really is entertaining and its really made me sit and think about love and pray about where we derive the meaning of love from.
Anyways, my thoughts are jumbled still about the books but I thought I'd share...if anyone else has any different opinions, please share :)
First, I want to admit that I NEVER wanted or had any desire to read these books. I'm not much into the romance novels and let's face it, the story centers around their "love". But, as I was at UNT this past Friday with little chunks of time here and there to do nothing, I decided to pick it up in the book store and see what it is all about.
I must admit, it is much more entertaining than I thought.
However, I feel somewhat confirmed in my apparent 6th sense of dislike about this book.
Mostly it has to do with the love story. I think that my problem with the book is subtle, but in my mind HUGE. As I've been reading the books, I've been praying that God would help me to find purpose in this book and help me to not just fill my head with nonsense. With that I felt lead to read the book, enjoy it, AND compare it to what God describes love as.
As I've been reading the books (I've only read the first two, I'm going to get the other two this afternoon), I've realized a couple things about the way the world sees love.
From the beginning, the description of the two main characters "love" for one another is scary and yet hugely familiar. It's familiar because before I was a believer, I thought the same way and had the same feelings. Most of the descriptions involve phrases like, "He was just so alluring", "I couldn't resist you", "I knew that no matter what, I wouldn't be able to go on without him existing". Honestly, there are many many more examples, but the main point is that both Bella and Edward, without really knowing each other that well, just get a feeling/instinct about the other. They can't resist. They can't handle any time apart. The book is written from Bella's point of view and often you hear her describing her thoughts and how she can't help but let them dwell constantly on Edward. At one point at the end of the second book she thinks in her head that this moment of holding Edward is better than any heaven could be.
Granted, the book is not written by a believer and is not about believers, but still, how lost and tragic our world is. I've experienced this feeling, of desperation and obsession over another human being. It's when your life is meaningless unless that person is in it. Oh how sad that we could ever hope for another person (or vampire, in this instance) to be that dependable enough to put our hope in forever.
In the end, they are obsessed with each other, unwilling to live without the other. The thing that is subtle, but I think is huge (and may be the reason that I won't let any of my daughters read this until they are believers and somewhat mature in their sense of love) is the idolization of this love. As if it is the purest kind of love. And it TUGS at your heart. I feel the temptation to believe that even now as I read...but I also know truth, that we can only know real love through a relationship with the Lord. I believe God is my first love and that nothing is better than Him. That doesn't detract from my love of Reed, not in the least, it just means that I am choosing to love Reed, but never put my love of him above my hope and faith in the Lord. I know that seems nit picky, but I truly want to teach my daughters what love really is and not let the world deceive them into thinking this is real or true love. It's not, its an obsession and although that sounds good on paper, your life should NEVER hang on a person...we're not the beings that give fulfillment or purpose. If you want obsession to have a good outcome, you can only be obsessed about one thing, the Lord God.
I guess all in all, we need to guard our hearts from the obsession that the world presents as love. Although Bella and Edward have fleeting moments of real love intermingled in their story (marked by sacrifice and selflessness), their love still hinges on the fact that they are completely infatuated and obsessed with each other above ALL else.
Okay, I know that sounded really negative...I just want to be careful with this love story, because love is such a huge part of our being and I feel like I should be careful about where my definition of love comes from. A wrong choice can be painful and terribly misleading.
With all that criticism, I can say that the book is enjoyable if you are mature in your beliefs and aren't tempted to buy into wanting the obsessive love. Honestly, I've really enjoyed them so far. Minus Bella, sometimes she just sounds like a high schooler (haha, well I guess she is one). It really is entertaining and its really made me sit and think about love and pray about where we derive the meaning of love from.
Anyways, my thoughts are jumbled still about the books but I thought I'd share...if anyone else has any different opinions, please share :)
Monday, August 24, 2009
Life around here...
Has been pretty wonderful. We had a great week, with some really good bumps in the middle (the kind of bumps that challenge, humble and overall give you a sense of hope).
Last week we came to the realization that we weren't completely accomplished at putting Jesus at the center of our marriage. I want to readily admit this because most of our problem was just assuming that it came without any work AND that we could do it on our own. We still love each other SO much and I really am amazed each day at how much I truly enjoy doing life with Reed. But, as most of you know, that's not enough. Life does not fill with purpose just because your married.
So as much as we wanted our marriage to be centered around Christ, we realized that we needed to completely come confess to the Lord. I can't say it was easy to talk about, it made us both feel a tad ashamed and helpless, but in those moments we realized our need for our Savior. And once again, He was there with open arms.
I love those moments of complete helplessness....when you realize, even if for just that tiny moment, that you really are helpless and desperately still in need of your Savior. It was beautiful and although we cried together, we also prayed together and asked Jesus to be our guide and teacher. We asked for any false idols (such as "free time" or wasteful "time consumers") to be stripped from our hearts. We also asked to be shown what it even looks like to REALLY have a marriage focused on the Lord. To have the true treasure in our marriage be our God. I don't think we were completely lost, but I do think we wasted our time with worthless things rather than on eternal things. I knew that God was working, because it was obvious that He was going to teach us what a marriage centered around Him looked like. Because let's be honest, as good as our intentions were to put Him at the center, we couldn't do it until we completely submitted to His leadership as the leading authority...not an afterthought we came upon after following everyone else's lead.
Anyways, that doesn't quite do justice to the joy and peace and hope that came through our brokenness this week. I also can't say that we're instantly perfect, but it keeps reminding me of our need and the fact that Jesus is FAITHFUL and the PERFECT SAVIOR and that He SUFFERED so that we could know with full assurance that He would continue to love and refine and challenge us instead of leaving us to what we deserve.
It was amazing how on Sunday, so many struggles and realizations from the week were confirmed. One of the topics mentioned on Sunday was what we need to do "on the road to the cross". All three of the points were great, but two really hit me deep. One was the fact that we must admit often our complete helplessness without Jesus. I felt the importance of this during this past week, just as I was convicted of the idols I held above the Lord in my life. Sometimes I feel like I just can't beat them, like I can't stop being a time waster or someone who spends my time idly. It again convicted me of my need to do it on my own perfectly and how that is quite impossible. The second thing that hit both of us was the last point on the slide, which said "Pray first, pray hard, pray together, pray a lot". I remember the pastor showing a quote after this that talked about the foolishness of going through life without praying over EVERYTHING. Every day, every decision, every friendship, every hardship, every need, for everything really. I can't remember all the examples, but it encompassed a lot of things that I just did without thinking twice about not praying over before hand.
This particular bullet point had come out of Mark 9: 14-29. The disciples could not drive out a demon and having had just been sent out with the power to do just that (cast out all demons), they questioned Jesus afterwards as to why they could not drive the demon out. His reply was simply, "This kind cannot come out by anything but prayer." Simple, yet I struggle with my prayer life...with making it intimate and constant. I want to seek Him with every trial, every decision, every praise, every good thing...and I realized, WOW, God can do mighty things, but He says that it can only be done through prayer.
I guess that just knocked our socks off because we knew that we needed to commit to prayer more often together and individually so that we could be in tune with the spirit, enjoying the Lord's company and lifting all things to Him.
We truly are loving Northwest bible, not because its the coolest thing ever, although it is really neat, but rather because it is TOTALLY challenging us. I feel like God is speaking to us in such real TANGIBLE ways. I know not every week may be the same, but this is a place filled with people speaking the truth while also showing God's love. We're still praying about our decision, but for now, we are just blessed to have this place that already we have learned so much from.
Last week we came to the realization that we weren't completely accomplished at putting Jesus at the center of our marriage. I want to readily admit this because most of our problem was just assuming that it came without any work AND that we could do it on our own. We still love each other SO much and I really am amazed each day at how much I truly enjoy doing life with Reed. But, as most of you know, that's not enough. Life does not fill with purpose just because your married.
So as much as we wanted our marriage to be centered around Christ, we realized that we needed to completely come confess to the Lord. I can't say it was easy to talk about, it made us both feel a tad ashamed and helpless, but in those moments we realized our need for our Savior. And once again, He was there with open arms.
I love those moments of complete helplessness....when you realize, even if for just that tiny moment, that you really are helpless and desperately still in need of your Savior. It was beautiful and although we cried together, we also prayed together and asked Jesus to be our guide and teacher. We asked for any false idols (such as "free time" or wasteful "time consumers") to be stripped from our hearts. We also asked to be shown what it even looks like to REALLY have a marriage focused on the Lord. To have the true treasure in our marriage be our God. I don't think we were completely lost, but I do think we wasted our time with worthless things rather than on eternal things. I knew that God was working, because it was obvious that He was going to teach us what a marriage centered around Him looked like. Because let's be honest, as good as our intentions were to put Him at the center, we couldn't do it until we completely submitted to His leadership as the leading authority...not an afterthought we came upon after following everyone else's lead.
Anyways, that doesn't quite do justice to the joy and peace and hope that came through our brokenness this week. I also can't say that we're instantly perfect, but it keeps reminding me of our need and the fact that Jesus is FAITHFUL and the PERFECT SAVIOR and that He SUFFERED so that we could know with full assurance that He would continue to love and refine and challenge us instead of leaving us to what we deserve.
It was amazing how on Sunday, so many struggles and realizations from the week were confirmed. One of the topics mentioned on Sunday was what we need to do "on the road to the cross". All three of the points were great, but two really hit me deep. One was the fact that we must admit often our complete helplessness without Jesus. I felt the importance of this during this past week, just as I was convicted of the idols I held above the Lord in my life. Sometimes I feel like I just can't beat them, like I can't stop being a time waster or someone who spends my time idly. It again convicted me of my need to do it on my own perfectly and how that is quite impossible. The second thing that hit both of us was the last point on the slide, which said "Pray first, pray hard, pray together, pray a lot". I remember the pastor showing a quote after this that talked about the foolishness of going through life without praying over EVERYTHING. Every day, every decision, every friendship, every hardship, every need, for everything really. I can't remember all the examples, but it encompassed a lot of things that I just did without thinking twice about not praying over before hand.
This particular bullet point had come out of Mark 9: 14-29. The disciples could not drive out a demon and having had just been sent out with the power to do just that (cast out all demons), they questioned Jesus afterwards as to why they could not drive the demon out. His reply was simply, "This kind cannot come out by anything but prayer." Simple, yet I struggle with my prayer life...with making it intimate and constant. I want to seek Him with every trial, every decision, every praise, every good thing...and I realized, WOW, God can do mighty things, but He says that it can only be done through prayer.
I guess that just knocked our socks off because we knew that we needed to commit to prayer more often together and individually so that we could be in tune with the spirit, enjoying the Lord's company and lifting all things to Him.
We truly are loving Northwest bible, not because its the coolest thing ever, although it is really neat, but rather because it is TOTALLY challenging us. I feel like God is speaking to us in such real TANGIBLE ways. I know not every week may be the same, but this is a place filled with people speaking the truth while also showing God's love. We're still praying about our decision, but for now, we are just blessed to have this place that already we have learned so much from.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Indecision 2009
My blog is like my bedspread.
I LOVE changing it.
I LOVE finding new backgrounds that I feel express me better.
It's funny how much I really do love finding new cute and creative blog backgrounds. I thought I'd just go ahead and admit that before anyone commented on how often I've changed my background.
Thank you :)
I LOVE changing it.
I LOVE finding new backgrounds that I feel express me better.
It's funny how much I really do love finding new cute and creative blog backgrounds. I thought I'd just go ahead and admit that before anyone commented on how often I've changed my background.
Thank you :)
Monday, August 17, 2009
Our Church Adventure!
Well that last couple days have been pretty exciting and relaxing.
We have gotten tons and tons of time to spend relaxing and enjoying each other's company.
Even when we sit next to each other doing different things, I still love sitting next to Reed. It's gotta be one of my favorite things to do.
We also went to a Rangers game on Friday! My first MLB game ever! It was pretty fun, even though the Rangers lost after they had a lead the whole game. That was sad, but the game was so much fun! We went with our friends Adam and Jessie and it was really good to just get to know them better. I'm glad baseball is a game you can talk at and miss a minimal amount of action because it was a perfect place to just visit and still get amped about the game. We did a lot of cheering and a LOT of booing! It was so much fun!
Saturday was kind of a lazy day with lots of laundry and house stuff involved, but again...it's just so good to rest!
That night we decided that we were going to join Jared and Abby Perry and visit Northwest Bible. We really really liked it a lot. It had so many ways to connect to community, to strengthen your knowledge in the Lord and to serve! We truly wanted to find a place that would challenge us and really grow us close the Christ and this church definitely is a possibility. We still need to bathe this in prayer, but I was blessed by Sunday's visit. The sermon was really good and I felt like the Lord really was working mightily there. The neat thing is, is that the pastor always made mention of how all the credit was to Christ in how the church was expanding and in all of their ministries. I really liked that.
I guess that's all that's been going on for now...other than my newest craze, which is becoming a coupon shopper! We're trying to be as frugal as possible and maybe pull of some amazing grocery trips where you save like 40% of what you would have spent! ahh that would be AMAZING! It's a lot harder to be frugal here...avocados at the College Station HEB were 3 for a $1...at both Sprouts (a really cheap grocer) and Albertson's one of those avocados is $1.29. Sad day. That's alright though, I'm way excited to get all my coupons together!
We have gotten tons and tons of time to spend relaxing and enjoying each other's company.
Even when we sit next to each other doing different things, I still love sitting next to Reed. It's gotta be one of my favorite things to do.
We also went to a Rangers game on Friday! My first MLB game ever! It was pretty fun, even though the Rangers lost after they had a lead the whole game. That was sad, but the game was so much fun! We went with our friends Adam and Jessie and it was really good to just get to know them better. I'm glad baseball is a game you can talk at and miss a minimal amount of action because it was a perfect place to just visit and still get amped about the game. We did a lot of cheering and a LOT of booing! It was so much fun!
Saturday was kind of a lazy day with lots of laundry and house stuff involved, but again...it's just so good to rest!
That night we decided that we were going to join Jared and Abby Perry and visit Northwest Bible. We really really liked it a lot. It had so many ways to connect to community, to strengthen your knowledge in the Lord and to serve! We truly wanted to find a place that would challenge us and really grow us close the Christ and this church definitely is a possibility. We still need to bathe this in prayer, but I was blessed by Sunday's visit. The sermon was really good and I felt like the Lord really was working mightily there. The neat thing is, is that the pastor always made mention of how all the credit was to Christ in how the church was expanding and in all of their ministries. I really liked that.
I guess that's all that's been going on for now...other than my newest craze, which is becoming a coupon shopper! We're trying to be as frugal as possible and maybe pull of some amazing grocery trips where you save like 40% of what you would have spent! ahh that would be AMAZING! It's a lot harder to be frugal here...avocados at the College Station HEB were 3 for a $1...at both Sprouts (a really cheap grocer) and Albertson's one of those avocados is $1.29. Sad day. That's alright though, I'm way excited to get all my coupons together!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Finally Moved
We are finally moved to Dallas and probably 90% settled in!
The man-room (aka the "small study room") needs a little more organization as well as our closet. The living room just needs a couple decorations to be hung and then its done! We're making pretty good headway considering we moved in Saturday....and really all that got accomplished Saturday was getting everything IN. No putting away or anything. We were so tired that we just passed out that night!
I'll try and post some pictures soon, but we're definitely LOVING our apartment. Every day I wonder, what's the catch? I don't think there is one. I think the Lord has just blessed us immensely. The place is BEAUTIFUL and it is way below the price range of everything around us (and way more spacious than any of the pricier places). God has completely provided for us in such a huge way!
I don't know what we're going to do once we get completely unpacked, though. I mean I don't start work until September 13 and Reed doesn't start school until August 27th. We are definitely going to investigate what there is to do around Dallas, hopefully we can get to know some of the places to volunteer and get acquainted with the city.
Also, we've been so blessed to have our parents help us continually through this process. Even though I was pretty upset last week about my car troubles, we're truly blessed to have family who will step in and help when we need it. And Reed's family has been amazing in helping us get started in Dallas. The first two days we were here, our refrigerator didn't work, so they welcomed us over to their house for dinner each night so we didn't have to worry about buying groceries with no fridge :) So sweet! I love our parents and I'm so thankful for them. They have been so great and I see the Lord working through them to bless us when we don't have much to our name.
Other things going on have really mostly involved finding a church. We're so fortunate to have time to really investigate and find different places to visit each weekend. I've never really visited a bunch of churches before, so this is a new experience. I'm blessed to have Reed with me, he has such a great perspective and it is so great to not feel alone in the journey. Please pray for us, I am so confident that the Lord will make it EVIDENT when we find our church home and I just want to continue to pray that over our search.
We love and miss everyone! Like a lot!
The man-room (aka the "small study room") needs a little more organization as well as our closet. The living room just needs a couple decorations to be hung and then its done! We're making pretty good headway considering we moved in Saturday....and really all that got accomplished Saturday was getting everything IN. No putting away or anything. We were so tired that we just passed out that night!
I'll try and post some pictures soon, but we're definitely LOVING our apartment. Every day I wonder, what's the catch? I don't think there is one. I think the Lord has just blessed us immensely. The place is BEAUTIFUL and it is way below the price range of everything around us (and way more spacious than any of the pricier places). God has completely provided for us in such a huge way!
I don't know what we're going to do once we get completely unpacked, though. I mean I don't start work until September 13 and Reed doesn't start school until August 27th. We are definitely going to investigate what there is to do around Dallas, hopefully we can get to know some of the places to volunteer and get acquainted with the city.
Also, we've been so blessed to have our parents help us continually through this process. Even though I was pretty upset last week about my car troubles, we're truly blessed to have family who will step in and help when we need it. And Reed's family has been amazing in helping us get started in Dallas. The first two days we were here, our refrigerator didn't work, so they welcomed us over to their house for dinner each night so we didn't have to worry about buying groceries with no fridge :) So sweet! I love our parents and I'm so thankful for them. They have been so great and I see the Lord working through them to bless us when we don't have much to our name.
Other things going on have really mostly involved finding a church. We're so fortunate to have time to really investigate and find different places to visit each weekend. I've never really visited a bunch of churches before, so this is a new experience. I'm blessed to have Reed with me, he has such a great perspective and it is so great to not feel alone in the journey. Please pray for us, I am so confident that the Lord will make it EVIDENT when we find our church home and I just want to continue to pray that over our search.
We love and miss everyone! Like a lot!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Challenges
It's been a while since we've blogged and honestly its not been because I'm busy, but really I just don't feel like writing.
There are a couple reasons...
Firstly, I have just been a mixture of dry/complacent/stuck feeling in my spiritual life. It has drained me so much...and living with my parents and having other things come into our paths has just made it so much harder. That's really all I can say about it, but the depth that this affects me is much more than these couple of sentences.
Secondly, my car broke. Like overheated and melted the engine kind of broke. We decided to go ahead and fix the car (oh that is currently in HARLINGEN, 5 hours from San Antonio) so that we can maybe sell it and put the money towards another car. There are so many hard things with this. First, we DON'T have $2500 to fix the car. We have a couple thousand dollars to get us by until I start work on September 13th and the leftovers were going to pay back my student loans. So technically, the money we have isn't really ours. This means that we are really having to rely on our parents to help us. I know that a couple thousand doesn't seem like much, but we really don't have much money to cushion this blow with, even if we did use the money to pay back loans.
So right now we're trying to make some really hard decisions, all of which involve spending money we don't have and gambling to hope that the outcome works out. Keeping the bug is a gamble...who knows if it won't break down again. Getting another used car is a gamble, what if it turns out to be a lemon?
I'm trying to trust, but this is all coming at a time when I feel so empty and truly distant from God. It's honestly really really really hard. Please pray for me...mostly for my relationship with the Lord. That's what I'm struggling with the most and what I know is the worst part of all of this.
Thanks guys.
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