Living in a Broken World is Hard

Last Sunday our pastor shared his heart about some struggles he was going through. He wasn’t specific about what was going on, but he talked about the pain and suffering in life, and how sometimes it’s just downright hard to deal with.

Even John the Baptist didn’t know how to deal with pain and suffering perfectly. In fact, it caused him to doubt a little. This was the man who saw the dove ascend upon Jesus and heard a voice from heaven say, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased." (Matt 3:17). He admitted that he was not fit to “not fit to remove His sandals”. It would seem that John had a pretty clear picture of who this Jesus was…

YET, as Jesus was continuing in His ministry on earth, John was in prison. Bars surrounded him. At this moment, John shows his humanity as he doubts whether Jesus really is the “Expected One” or should he “look for someone else” (Matt 11:3)? I think John was dealing with the hard reality that Jesus’ Kingdom did not come swiftly and with a bang. It was like a seed. He didn’t understand how Jesus could be the One, yet he himself was still suffering in prison.

Isn’t this the same for us? Sometimes we think that if we seek the Lord with sincere hearts, trust in Him fully and follow His commands, that somehow we might bypass the brokenness of a world without Christ.

The reality is hard. There is still suffering. We still experience the suffering that comes with living in a broken world.

This has recently been really hard for us. That whole seed idea is easier said than done.

When I see a woman proclaim that she has been sober from crack for four days and that she is enthusiastic about going to rehab and getting her life back together. She is finally fed up with living on the streets (and quite frankly afraid to die there) and wants to make a change. In those moments it is so easy to proclaim how GOOD our God is.

Then a week goes by and she’s back, which is the first sign that things have not gone well because she is supposed to be at rehab. She is sick and her body is broken, eaten away by the addictions she can’t fight. It’s heartbreaking. And this isn’t isolated. This is most of the woman we serve.

The woman I have grown to love. The woman that I have celebrated triumphs with. The woman I have embraced and prayed with when they are struggling. It’s officially happened (sometime over the past 7 months since we’ve started helping)…these are my sisters, my friends. I care so much about them. I’m blessed beyond belief to walk beside them in life. But with those immense blessings, I also am walking beside them through ALL of life. Even the times when the fall back and struggle. When they make good decisions and also when they make bad decisions. When they are healthy and when they are hurting.

It is so incredibly hard sometimes to walk alongside someone who is truly suffering and to bear that burden with them. I am watching them endure struggle after struggle…they hate the addictions but they can’t fight them. And I am called to walk with them and encourage and love them. It’s my honor and it’s also has begun to truly pain me.

And then I remember the seed and remember that God’s sovereign plan is not going to be accomplished according to my timing. I want to say some magic words and then it would just click and they would experience the warmth of God’s love. I feel the urge to be like John the Baptist and ask “Hey Jesus is this how you’re really coming to save the homeless? Is this what your Kingdom is supposed to look like?” It’s hard to admit that I have those thoughts, but in the end I know that Jesus said that His Kingdom would come like a mustard seed. A seed. It doesn’t come instantaneously.

I often forget that God has a sovereign plan (I know that should be something I shouldn’t forget, but I’ll be honest, sometimes I do) and that sometimes suffering is part of it. It might take years to break someone of their addictions, but if that is the way God chooses to do it, IT IS GOOD. I believe God can perform a miracle and cure everyone in a day, but if He chooses to take more time with certain people, then I know that His plan is the best plan.

All that to say this: I’m learning that being Jesus’ hands and feet sometimes means walking through a broken world, full of suffering and sickness, with others who are in need of His strength and encouragement (and at some point there will be suffering in my own life that others will walk with me through). Building up His Kingdom may involve some heartache on my part as I watch people that I have truly grown to care deeply about fall. It is hard, but also so good. Good mostly because I know God is ALWAYS good and that He is working. Trusting in that gives me hope.

Our Calling

I wanted to give you guys a little update on OurCalling and some prayer requests:

• Reed and I are now the Resource and Events Coordinators (respectively). Please pray for wisdom and perseverance in our new roles within the organization. It's a lot of responsibility and can feel overwhelming. I would love prayer that our hearts would always rely on Jesus for strength and that our purpose would be to glorify God in EVERYTHING.

• Building - As OurCalling is growing, there is more and more need for space. Currently, they have storage space at our church, Northwest Bible, BUT the church is trying to do some renovations so the space may not be available much longer. Our hope would be that OurCalling could get a building near downtown so that we could be available in the areas where the homeless are. Pray for finances and that God would bless the search for a building.

• PEOPLE - Please pray for the homeless and for our perceptions of the "reasons" why they are the way they are. Pray for salvation for those lost and struggling with addictions. Pray that they would be drawn to God through their suffering and place their trust in Christ alone. I also pray for compassion from the church in Dallas (and all over) and that we would rise up and walk alongside this community in fellowship and that the gospel would be shared BECAUSE Jesus came to save every one of us. Also, I pray that we, as the church, would rise up and be Jesus' hands and feet. This morning in church our pastor mentioned the heartbreak and tragedy in life and asked, "Does it matter to Jesus...does He care?" Right before Jesus fed the 5000 in Matthew 14, the disciples tell Jesus that the people need to eat, to send them away. Jesus' response in verse 16: "They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat." YOU go help them. That is you and me...the church. Jesus cares about the needs of His people. He also cares that WE care about the needs of His people. I pray that the sleeping giant, that is the church, would awake and share all things so that the GLORY of God may be made known throughout this city, this state, this country, this WORLD.
  

Oh This Week

It's been a crazy week for me.

Monday was even busy and I didn't have to work. That was mostly my fault cause the house was a WRECK. I really haven't let the house get so messy in a while, but with being out of town the weekend before and then just the busyness of life, I guess it got away from me. I spent most of Monday cleaning and then when I wasn't cleaning we went to go see Avatar together :) I love hanging out with Reed, he's so funny. In movies we can have conversations with each other just by looking at each other and reading facial expressions. There were times in the movie where I would look over and we would just giggle at each other for whatever reasons.

Tuesday was just a blur. Because we had Monday as a holiday, there was a lot of things that I needed to do to "catch up". One thing was get instructions for our India team together. I didn't know that I would have to do this until around 4 in the afternoon. ALSO, I was having my woman's bible study from last Spring over for dinner because our missionary partner from Brazil was in town. Northwest assigns each woman's small group a missionary (that is affiliated or sponsored by the church) to correspond and pray with. I was so excited to have woman over, so when it got to 6 and I wasn't done with my work, I left to go home figuring that after the ladies left, I'd work.

I got home and cooked as soon as I got there. As soon as the soup and fixings were done, I literally heard a knock on the door. We visited and it was so great to hear Mary-Ann's stories. Her and her husband have been living in Brazil for 47 years! Her husband, Dave, went to Dallas Theological Seminary and as soon as they were done, they headed for Brazil. They have some kids who live state-side, some who live in Brazil (and have married Brazilians!) and do ministry with them. They run a seminary for native Brazilians that is focused on discipleship throughout the whole process. Mary-Ann is really involved with mentoring and encouraging the future pastor's wives.

After they left around 9:15, I immediately turned on my computer and started working. Until 12:15. If you know me, this is insane. I normally don't do this, cause it can wait until the next morning...BUT in this instance it really couldn't, cause I was giving instructions to our India team. If I waited until the morning, they wouldn't get it until evening (their time, they are 10.5 hours ahead of us) and we would lose a whole day of work. Anyways, this is practically an all nighter for me. Surprisingly, I was in good spirits, which is only evidence that God is good and a peace-giver.

Wednesday was a little less hectic, but again, as soon as I left work I headed straight to the apartment where I picked up Reed (like literally, he was waiting for me in the parking lot). Oh and as I was heading to the apartment, there were definitely tornado sirens going off. Because we couldn't see any, we figured we'd be safe going to church.

Today is another full day of work and then leaving immediately from here to go to the Director of OurCalling's house for an Outreach meeting. Oh did I tell you that Reed and I are like in charge of that? Crazy, I know, but God has been guiding and leading us towards serving more and more in His ministry to the poor in Dallas. We've been learning a lot, as well as being refined in huge ways. Tonight is our first Outreach meeting :) I'm a bit excited :)

We'll skip Friday to Saturday....

Saturday I volunteered to do a Heart Walk (if you want to donate, go to this link). My dad died of a heart attack and my grandma had heart disease. So heart stuff runs in my family. Plus my mom used to work in the cardiac rehab, which means she is very into the heart health stuff. As soon as the Heart Walk is over (at around 10 or so), I'm going to go meet a youth group downtown to help with a distribution of resources to the homeless. As soon as that's over, we're heading to the lake to hang out with Garrett, Reed's brother, and all of his other groomsmen. Garrett wanted all the guys to get to know each other before the wedding, so we'll be heading up there.

Sunday is usually a busy day because we have church and then we have bible study in the evenings, OH and this is the prep day for Monday at work, which usually involves some laundry and cleaning and grocery-listing :)

WHEWWWW...it just is crazy writing all of this stuff down.

So because I've thoroughly overbooked myself, Reed and I decided to take Friday night off from the Bridge. We just have to have us time, ALONE, without work or school in the way...

All of this made me realize that I need to make sure that I have a day off, where I focus on Reed, on being a good wife, and a day where I can have time with the Lord that doesn't involve running around. So I've decided that Saturdays are my day of rest. No volunteering. Which is really hard for me and I keep catching my brain saying "well unless there is something I really want to do". But I really want to stay disciplined in this and to be purposeful in this day to 1) rest in the Lord, 2) spend quality time with my husband and 3) serve Reed by keeping the house up and taking care of our home.

It's definitely been a learning week, but honestly, it's been a fun week too and I haven't felt upset. I don't think it was a wise week on my part, BUT I've been encouraged every day by Jesus Christ who is walking with me and teaching me.