God is Blowing My Mind

I'm starting to realize the depth of my need for the Lord and how I could never in a million years ever appreciate and understand every part of God. But lately, He has been blowing my mind with who He is.

It all started with a sermon at church that God made through our pastor. He went over the Mark 14:32-36:

32 They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, "Sit here while I pray." 33 He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. 34 "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death," he said to them. "Stay here and keep watch."

35 Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. 36"Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will."

I've read this passage a lot and I would assume that most Christians have...but I never REALLY understood or connected the dots with what it talks about. This is the gospel right here...the story of Jesus coming to this earth to take on our sins so that we might KNOW Him. These verses share what Jesus was experiencing in Gethsemane. Like I said, I never thought too much about these verses, in my mind, it was just Jesus dealing with His impending torture and death...But when we looked at these verses our pastor point out that they speak of Jesus being "deeply distressed and troubled" and that his "soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death". Does that seem odd to anyone?

The pastor asked us the same question and at first, I thought, "I don't think it's that weird".

Then he talked about Jesus' disposition prior to this point of time. Jesus was the one who always had the right answer, who had peace, who took time to be quiet in chaos, the one who slept in a boat during a storm, the one who boldly turned up tables in righteous anger, the one who spoke plainly of His own death and rebuked those who would not accept it (remeber the harsh "Get behind me Satan" rebuke to Peter)...So why, when the moment He had been foretelling of (His own death) came, did He have the following reactions:

deeply distressed

troubled

overwhelmed to the point of death

At this point our pastor seemingly digressed and talked about people he knew and how well they handled death. I'm sure we've all seen it, a godly believer who left this earth well, in the peace and assurance of their future destination. For example, someone dying of cancer who has a better perspective and approach to life and death than anyone could imagine. So is Jesus not handling death as well as these believers?

The answer is definitely not! Jesus wasn't lacking in some faith and peace in His future. I mean this is the LORD we're talking about, part God!

So why is He so extremely troubled and sorrowful? How could the Lord, the miracle-worker, the one who made it known that He was coming to die, how could He be so visibly and admittedly out of control upset?

That's when the pastor shared that it's because Jesus was not about to experience death only, like the strong believers we earlier spoke of...there must be something additionally, something more than only death...He was getting a foretaste of God's wrath.

God's wrath....

Can you imagine? The creator of the universe's righteous wrath...

And the reaction from Jesus who was experiencing just a taste of this wrath (remember God's wrath had not fully been fulfilled yet on the Cross) is to be deeply distressed, troubled, and overwhelmed to the point of DEATH.

So we can infer from Jesus' reaction and from what we know about who God is, that His wrath is unbearable...even for Jesus. To the point that Jesus said: 36"Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." Jesus asked for the cup to be taken from Him, but in the end, He submitted His request to God's will.

Jesus took our place...we were the guilty ones who deserved God's wrath because of our sin...Yet He submitted to God's will, which was to save us.

God's will was for His son to endure His wrath so that we may have life. God chose to save us because HE LOVED US. Not because we are good, not because we are worth it, not because He needed us to love him...just because He is merciful and compassionate.

I'm way too self-focused. I look at myself like a misbehaving child in God's eyes who still has redeeming qualities...but really I was marred with sin. I was counter to God's character and therefore eternally separated from Him...but by HIS grace, not my cuteness, or likability...only because of the mercy and grace of God, He saved me. It is all for His glory.

I have to be honest...I'm a believer, I have heard and been impacted by the gospel, but it NEVER hit me this hard and deep. I feel transformed by this gospel message, I feel like I didn't really understand the depth of what God did for us until I heard this message.

And it's changing everything. Everything is changing. I can't look at life the same way and I'm having to deal with a lot of things in life that are hard to deal with...

But it's also good to see God's glory working in this world...to submit to this GOOD and LOVING God, who chose me for no good reason, other than that He loves me.

Blows my mind. In a good way :)