I'm a good blog stalker...

But not a good blog poster...

I really do need to do a better job of keeping everyone in the loop. I've decided I need to start writing shorter posts...to quote Michael Scott - "KISS. Keep it simple stupid". Well actually Dwight used the quote when taking Ryan out for his first sales call: "Michael says KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid. Hurts my feelings every time." Haha. Oh the Office, makes me smile :)

As far as life, work has been busy and chaotic (or at least it makes my life feel chaotic). More than it simply taking all my time, its really that work is totally stressing me out. This past week I had 4 different clients that I needed to wrap up...but with there only being 24 hours in a day and I need to sleep, it just wasn't possible to finish each one. So I feel like a disappointment. Like I can't deliver. In reality, I can't, its just not possible. Sometimes I get frustrated that I'm even put in the position, when I really don't have any control. I end up having to tell one of my managers, "Sorry, I can't do this cause the audit partner wants everything done for this other client in two days."

Everyone at work is experiencing this. So its not just me. But still, I really don't like what it does to me. I lose sleep. I feel guilty for working on one client over another (yes, you read that right I feel guilty for working). I can't spend quality time with my husband. And friends? What friends? I know I shouldn't complain, but work is just tough now. There is no way of getting around it. My peers and I are all just plain burnt out. And it makes you question your purpose in working so much...are we living to work or working to live?

Two more weeks and hopefully everything will settle down...hopefully. Actually, I'll be safe and say it'll probably be three more weeks...

Encouraging Scripture - I need YOUR help!

I have a friend that attends our woman's bible study who is really struggling with joy, hope and peace.

Today when we were reading Romans, coveting was mentioned in chapter 7 and she asked "Is it wrong to covet anything?". We asked her watch she meant and tears started coming down her face as she pointed at me and said, "I look at her every week and I see peace just gleaming from her and I covet that."

It was heart wrenching. I went over and sat next to this beautiful woman and we prayed for peace, hope and joy. She shared with me that she struggles with regret. Regret for the things she has done and regret for the things she has not done. She also struggles with anger and feels like it is always inside of her. She so longs for peace and to be free from her anger and her regret.

She lives in the Bridge, and said, "I know people call this a homeless shelter, but for me, its home."

None of us know a home like that and we have been blessed beyond measure. We cannot relate to this woman who is struggling to come to peace with where she is and how she has gotten there.

Would you pray for Rachel AND would you help me out by giving me some ideas of encouraging verses for her. I have some in mind, but I want to hear from you guys (whoever is still out there reading this) what verses encourage you when you feel that you have no peace, no joy or when you feel constantly reminded of your past sin. This week I want to make Rachel some cards with scripture and words of encouragement. I think it would be awesome if I could make her cards from people who are praying for her or who want to share scripture with her. Maybe, if you guys want to commit to praying for her, you could find a verse that relates to what Rachel is going through and also include a short note of encouragement.

If there are no takers for the note writing bit, no big deal, but even just giving me some of the verses that lift you up when you find yourself down would be amazing.

Love you guys and sorry its been so long since I've update. Work has been a challenge and blogging has been relegated to the bench for a bit.

Julie

Can you please pray for my friend, Julie?

She came to bible study during the summer when we were studying John. She was so enthusiastic about what we were learning. I remember the Friday after she came to the Sunday woman's bible study, she came up to me and gave me a big hug and wanted to talk about what she learned the week before to see if she could remember everything.

After that couple of times seeing her, I hadn't really seen her at the Friday night life skills classes or our woman's bible studies on Sundays. Before I met Julie, I had already gotten to know her boyfriend, Louis, pretty well. Once I met Julie, I would get tid-bits here and there about how she was doing. Although Louis wasn't very specific, he would tell me that she would run-off with other men and to the other side of the bridge (not the Bridge, the shelter, but the bridge that was near the shelter that lead to a REALLY, REALLY bad neighborhood).

Last Sunday was the first time I have seen Julie in a long time. I didn't get a chance to talk to her because I was helping a couple of woman finish the bible study questions, but she seemed a little off.

Then we get to the Bridge last night and before class I see Louis and we start chatting about nothing too particular. The next thing I know, I see Julie walking up. I was really excited to get a chance to talk to her, but again, when I saw her something was off and I realized that most likely she was high. I asked her how life was and she said really up and down. I asked her what that specifically meant, if she wouldn't mind sharing, and she definitely didn't mind...

She shared that she has a crack problem and that it feels like it calls to her constantly. She wanted to stop because she knew she was going to lose Louis. While she is sharing all of this, I can tell that part of her wants to stop, but part of her doesn't care and wouldn't mind going back that night...which she did.

We prayed right then and there...I asked God to save her from this addiction and asked Him that He would pour out His love on her so that she would not run to the drugs to fill the voids in her life. I prayed in confidence knowing that Jesus is our more than a conqueror.

Later, Wayne (the director of OurCalling, who used to have a serious drug problem when he was younger), talked to her about what it was going to take to quit.

She told him she really wanted to.

But, when it came down to what she needed to do, she kind of smirked and didn't really believe us. It was very apparent that her words and her desires are not in the same place. Her words say she wants to quit, but her actions are contrary. When we prayed earlier that night, she left and got high, and then came back to get candy. That's when I asked her if she was serious about quitting, and that if she was we needed to talk to Wayne. We pleaded with her, trying to convince her that nothing is going to fix her, that SHE has to want it. Wayne said this: It's not a "salon" where you sit there and they "fix" you; YOU have to be the hardest working person in the room. What's sad is I don't think she's ready to make that commitment.

Driving home, I don't know how to pray for this. Not at all. Nights like these at the Bridge I have to SURROUND myself with truth so that I don't let satan lie and tell me that God isn't doing anything at the Bridge and that the truth won't set anyone free there. I listened to 3 songs the whole way home. One was "Awakening" by Chris Tomlin and I prayed this over Julie...that Jesus would awaken her soul to HIM AND HIM ALONE. Like the rising sun pierces the darkness. The second song was "Our God", again by Chris Tomlin...I just needed to hear scriptural truth that OUR GOD IS STRONGER, that NOTHING can conquer Him. I thought and prayed to truly believe that satan could be vanquished, no matter how "far gone" someone was. The last song I listened to was "He Loves Us" by David Crowder Band. I needed to just keep reminding myself of the truth that God loves us more than we could ever imagine. He is jealous for Julie...loves her, including all the mess, more than she could fathom.

Could you guys join me in praying for Julie? Jesus is mighty to save, mightier than the drugs and the lies that satan is feeding to her.

Our Sustainable Food Day

Reed and I watched Food, Inc. yesterday/today and we were kind of in shock at the lack of attention we have paid to the things we buy. FACT: The things we buy directly affect other people. It's not just about health, although also very important, its mainly about what we are doing to the workers "making" our food. The movie is pretty crazy with all it reveals about the practices of the corporations that produce most of the food in our country.

Anyways, all that to say, Reed and I really think its time to stop pretending we don't know what is going on and make sure that our purchases honor God...even if that means spending a little more money.

So here is me documenting our sustainable food day adventures...

We started the adventures off (after we hung out with Rachel this morning) with lunch at Chipotle, a "sustainable" restaurant, ie. a restaurant that uses local produce and meats.

Reed couldn't finish his burrito and was very distraught about it. This has nothing to do with being aware and conscious about our food choices, but I thought it was cute :)

Next we headed downtown to the Dallas Farmers Market. This thing is intense...I think it is one of the biggest in the country (don't quote me on this, but just know its rather large). Before we actually got to the food, we decided we wanted to spruce up our apartment with some fall decor, so we picked out some pumpkins! P.S. I love that downtown is in the background of the farmer's market...something about it just makes me want to giggle.

Our pumpkin! Reed was thrilled that he was the one showcasing it :)

They had some seriously BIG pumpkins!

And some seriously cool mini-pumpkins!

Next we ventured to Shed 1, which had the local farmer's produce! You can't really tell from the picture, but the shed is really long and you can drive and park in the middle and the vendors line either side. They all had AMAZING samples...I mean the cantaloupe we tried was just spectacular!

In the end we came home with all these wonderful veggies AND some natural pork chops! As in not the "manufactured" pork you get in a store. You'll have to watch Food Inc. to understand what I mean by "manufactured". We got to see a glimpse of how cows/pigs are raised these days and also how they are slaughtered (they featured the largest pork slaughter house in the WORLD). They didn't show the gory stuff as much as how they are raised and treated. Anyways, we were really pumped to find some local butchers who are raising their animals naturally. And here is our bounty...

I'm definitely pumped. It ended up being pretty darn fun going through the Farmer's Market with Reed. And the people were so nice and helpful. I'm pretty sure I never know what to look for in each vegetable (as far as ripeness), but these people GREW them, so they were able to help explain what to look for in something you want to eat soon and in something you may want to eat in a couple days. Pretty neat.

Also, just as an FYI, after typing the word "pumpkin" so many times, it no longer feels like a real word to me. Maybe I need to go to bed...

Living in a Broken World is Hard

Last Sunday our pastor shared his heart about some struggles he was going through. He wasn’t specific about what was going on, but he talked about the pain and suffering in life, and how sometimes it’s just downright hard to deal with.

Even John the Baptist didn’t know how to deal with pain and suffering perfectly. In fact, it caused him to doubt a little. This was the man who saw the dove ascend upon Jesus and heard a voice from heaven say, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased." (Matt 3:17). He admitted that he was not fit to “not fit to remove His sandals”. It would seem that John had a pretty clear picture of who this Jesus was…

YET, as Jesus was continuing in His ministry on earth, John was in prison. Bars surrounded him. At this moment, John shows his humanity as he doubts whether Jesus really is the “Expected One” or should he “look for someone else” (Matt 11:3)? I think John was dealing with the hard reality that Jesus’ Kingdom did not come swiftly and with a bang. It was like a seed. He didn’t understand how Jesus could be the One, yet he himself was still suffering in prison.

Isn’t this the same for us? Sometimes we think that if we seek the Lord with sincere hearts, trust in Him fully and follow His commands, that somehow we might bypass the brokenness of a world without Christ.

The reality is hard. There is still suffering. We still experience the suffering that comes with living in a broken world.

This has recently been really hard for us. That whole seed idea is easier said than done.

When I see a woman proclaim that she has been sober from crack for four days and that she is enthusiastic about going to rehab and getting her life back together. She is finally fed up with living on the streets (and quite frankly afraid to die there) and wants to make a change. In those moments it is so easy to proclaim how GOOD our God is.

Then a week goes by and she’s back, which is the first sign that things have not gone well because she is supposed to be at rehab. She is sick and her body is broken, eaten away by the addictions she can’t fight. It’s heartbreaking. And this isn’t isolated. This is most of the woman we serve.

The woman I have grown to love. The woman that I have celebrated triumphs with. The woman I have embraced and prayed with when they are struggling. It’s officially happened (sometime over the past 7 months since we’ve started helping)…these are my sisters, my friends. I care so much about them. I’m blessed beyond belief to walk beside them in life. But with those immense blessings, I also am walking beside them through ALL of life. Even the times when the fall back and struggle. When they make good decisions and also when they make bad decisions. When they are healthy and when they are hurting.

It is so incredibly hard sometimes to walk alongside someone who is truly suffering and to bear that burden with them. I am watching them endure struggle after struggle…they hate the addictions but they can’t fight them. And I am called to walk with them and encourage and love them. It’s my honor and it’s also has begun to truly pain me.

And then I remember the seed and remember that God’s sovereign plan is not going to be accomplished according to my timing. I want to say some magic words and then it would just click and they would experience the warmth of God’s love. I feel the urge to be like John the Baptist and ask “Hey Jesus is this how you’re really coming to save the homeless? Is this what your Kingdom is supposed to look like?” It’s hard to admit that I have those thoughts, but in the end I know that Jesus said that His Kingdom would come like a mustard seed. A seed. It doesn’t come instantaneously.

I often forget that God has a sovereign plan (I know that should be something I shouldn’t forget, but I’ll be honest, sometimes I do) and that sometimes suffering is part of it. It might take years to break someone of their addictions, but if that is the way God chooses to do it, IT IS GOOD. I believe God can perform a miracle and cure everyone in a day, but if He chooses to take more time with certain people, then I know that His plan is the best plan.

All that to say this: I’m learning that being Jesus’ hands and feet sometimes means walking through a broken world, full of suffering and sickness, with others who are in need of His strength and encouragement (and at some point there will be suffering in my own life that others will walk with me through). Building up His Kingdom may involve some heartache on my part as I watch people that I have truly grown to care deeply about fall. It is hard, but also so good. Good mostly because I know God is ALWAYS good and that He is working. Trusting in that gives me hope.

Our Calling

I wanted to give you guys a little update on OurCalling and some prayer requests:

• Reed and I are now the Resource and Events Coordinators (respectively). Please pray for wisdom and perseverance in our new roles within the organization. It's a lot of responsibility and can feel overwhelming. I would love prayer that our hearts would always rely on Jesus for strength and that our purpose would be to glorify God in EVERYTHING.

• Building - As OurCalling is growing, there is more and more need for space. Currently, they have storage space at our church, Northwest Bible, BUT the church is trying to do some renovations so the space may not be available much longer. Our hope would be that OurCalling could get a building near downtown so that we could be available in the areas where the homeless are. Pray for finances and that God would bless the search for a building.

• PEOPLE - Please pray for the homeless and for our perceptions of the "reasons" why they are the way they are. Pray for salvation for those lost and struggling with addictions. Pray that they would be drawn to God through their suffering and place their trust in Christ alone. I also pray for compassion from the church in Dallas (and all over) and that we would rise up and walk alongside this community in fellowship and that the gospel would be shared BECAUSE Jesus came to save every one of us. Also, I pray that we, as the church, would rise up and be Jesus' hands and feet. This morning in church our pastor mentioned the heartbreak and tragedy in life and asked, "Does it matter to Jesus...does He care?" Right before Jesus fed the 5000 in Matthew 14, the disciples tell Jesus that the people need to eat, to send them away. Jesus' response in verse 16: "They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat." YOU go help them. That is you and me...the church. Jesus cares about the needs of His people. He also cares that WE care about the needs of His people. I pray that the sleeping giant, that is the church, would awake and share all things so that the GLORY of God may be made known throughout this city, this state, this country, this WORLD.
  

Oh This Week

It's been a crazy week for me.

Monday was even busy and I didn't have to work. That was mostly my fault cause the house was a WRECK. I really haven't let the house get so messy in a while, but with being out of town the weekend before and then just the busyness of life, I guess it got away from me. I spent most of Monday cleaning and then when I wasn't cleaning we went to go see Avatar together :) I love hanging out with Reed, he's so funny. In movies we can have conversations with each other just by looking at each other and reading facial expressions. There were times in the movie where I would look over and we would just giggle at each other for whatever reasons.

Tuesday was just a blur. Because we had Monday as a holiday, there was a lot of things that I needed to do to "catch up". One thing was get instructions for our India team together. I didn't know that I would have to do this until around 4 in the afternoon. ALSO, I was having my woman's bible study from last Spring over for dinner because our missionary partner from Brazil was in town. Northwest assigns each woman's small group a missionary (that is affiliated or sponsored by the church) to correspond and pray with. I was so excited to have woman over, so when it got to 6 and I wasn't done with my work, I left to go home figuring that after the ladies left, I'd work.

I got home and cooked as soon as I got there. As soon as the soup and fixings were done, I literally heard a knock on the door. We visited and it was so great to hear Mary-Ann's stories. Her and her husband have been living in Brazil for 47 years! Her husband, Dave, went to Dallas Theological Seminary and as soon as they were done, they headed for Brazil. They have some kids who live state-side, some who live in Brazil (and have married Brazilians!) and do ministry with them. They run a seminary for native Brazilians that is focused on discipleship throughout the whole process. Mary-Ann is really involved with mentoring and encouraging the future pastor's wives.

After they left around 9:15, I immediately turned on my computer and started working. Until 12:15. If you know me, this is insane. I normally don't do this, cause it can wait until the next morning...BUT in this instance it really couldn't, cause I was giving instructions to our India team. If I waited until the morning, they wouldn't get it until evening (their time, they are 10.5 hours ahead of us) and we would lose a whole day of work. Anyways, this is practically an all nighter for me. Surprisingly, I was in good spirits, which is only evidence that God is good and a peace-giver.

Wednesday was a little less hectic, but again, as soon as I left work I headed straight to the apartment where I picked up Reed (like literally, he was waiting for me in the parking lot). Oh and as I was heading to the apartment, there were definitely tornado sirens going off. Because we couldn't see any, we figured we'd be safe going to church.

Today is another full day of work and then leaving immediately from here to go to the Director of OurCalling's house for an Outreach meeting. Oh did I tell you that Reed and I are like in charge of that? Crazy, I know, but God has been guiding and leading us towards serving more and more in His ministry to the poor in Dallas. We've been learning a lot, as well as being refined in huge ways. Tonight is our first Outreach meeting :) I'm a bit excited :)

We'll skip Friday to Saturday....

Saturday I volunteered to do a Heart Walk (if you want to donate, go to this link). My dad died of a heart attack and my grandma had heart disease. So heart stuff runs in my family. Plus my mom used to work in the cardiac rehab, which means she is very into the heart health stuff. As soon as the Heart Walk is over (at around 10 or so), I'm going to go meet a youth group downtown to help with a distribution of resources to the homeless. As soon as that's over, we're heading to the lake to hang out with Garrett, Reed's brother, and all of his other groomsmen. Garrett wanted all the guys to get to know each other before the wedding, so we'll be heading up there.

Sunday is usually a busy day because we have church and then we have bible study in the evenings, OH and this is the prep day for Monday at work, which usually involves some laundry and cleaning and grocery-listing :)

WHEWWWW...it just is crazy writing all of this stuff down.

So because I've thoroughly overbooked myself, Reed and I decided to take Friday night off from the Bridge. We just have to have us time, ALONE, without work or school in the way...

All of this made me realize that I need to make sure that I have a day off, where I focus on Reed, on being a good wife, and a day where I can have time with the Lord that doesn't involve running around. So I've decided that Saturdays are my day of rest. No volunteering. Which is really hard for me and I keep catching my brain saying "well unless there is something I really want to do". But I really want to stay disciplined in this and to be purposeful in this day to 1) rest in the Lord, 2) spend quality time with my husband and 3) serve Reed by keeping the house up and taking care of our home.

It's definitely been a learning week, but honestly, it's been a fun week too and I haven't felt upset. I don't think it was a wise week on my part, BUT I've been encouraged every day by Jesus Christ who is walking with me and teaching me.